Little chopped up sen-ten-ces
A little stir fry of
.everything wrong with me.
Comment. On. This.
Open up something glamerous
Magazine. Glossed Paper.
I periodicly forget that sex is the basis of society...
Then I start. talking. again.
I wear big shoes.
Know what that means?
(I need smaller shoes to fit my small feet)
Sex...
Faster, Harder, Slower, Softer (Make up your mind)
Stop telling me what COOL is.
I don't care.
Drift thought...Regain Composure.
If I was famous all these periods would make me. A Genius.
Maybe if I spell out L-I-F-E for everyone
Webster refuses to give me the real meaning
Doesn’t realize.
I don’t care about. verbs/nouns/conjunctions/adjectives.
Little.
(Insert things that don’t matter here)
Filler words.
Stop. Breathe. Complain. Repeat.
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Comments
--
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I a ghost upon the stage?
Am I your anything?
*Magazine
-Drift thought- Regain Composure.
You've been using periods very successfully, and I am wondering how you want the dashes to be interpreted by the reader. They work for the L-I-F-E because it is clear that you are spelling it out. However, here I get hung up wondering how this is meant to be read. It seems to interrupt the stuccato flow of this piece.
If I was famous all these periods would make me. A Genios.
*Genius
I don’t care about verbs/nouns/conjunctions/adjectives
Little
(Insert things that don’t matter here)
Filler words.
do you think you should follow verbs/nouns/conjunctions/adjectives with some form or punctuation or pause to seperate it from the next thought? Maybe follow your convention here and use a period?
It's a good poem, and, with a little tweaking, I think it could solidify into a self supporting piece.
--
~DuskTreader~
Illustrious Writer
...Devious Coder
......Last Hope for the Free World
.........Also, Modest
--
"He who approaches the temple of the Muses without inspiration in the belief craftsmenship alone suffices will remain a bungler and his presumptuous poetry will be obscured by the songs of the maniacs." -Plato
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